


Tickets

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related: sentineltoo, Episode related: S2p2, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has a hard time controlling his anger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tickets

## Tickets

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

Comments: This just appeared out of the ether one afternoon, a mushy loft scene for those of us who need that sort of thing. 

* * *

Jim wanted to slam the door behind him, the anger welling up, the gang of words jammed down hard in his throat. Instead he walked in, hung up his coat, and remained silent while he got a beer for himself. Pure ice skimmed the surface while steam skated his blood. 

"Thanks, man. I'm not thirsty anyway." 

Ignoring the jab, the detective took a long drink and swerved out of the way of his partner as he headed to turn on the game. No contact allowed. 

"Come on, Jim, man, it's been an hour already. It's over. Say something, damn it." 

Without answering, he took another deep swallow, wishing the brew came in larger bottles. Using the remote, he switched on the set and surfed until he found the right channel. He never looked up, didn't want to risk losing his temper again. The blow up at the station still shivered his insides, and the slow control gained on the ride home remained tenuous. He couldn't afford to get pissed, couldn't handle the rage over something so stupid. 

"Jim?" 

Jaw clenching, he focused instead on the sound in the set, didn't want the distractions of thighs stretching jeans thin as Blair moved to sit on the armrest to his right. 

"You trying to zone on purpose, man, or what?" 

He shook his head, the crowed's buzz mixed with his guide's voice. A deep breath settled him into the world again. 

"I just want to watch the fucking game." 

"No kidding." 

"Leave it alone, Sandburg." 

"I can't do that." 

"Fuck." Standing, he went left to go around the other end of the sofa. He tossed the bottle in the trash, grabbed another, and spoke slowly. "What is it with you? Why can't you just let me alone about this? Why do you always have to keep pushing until I fucking lose it?" 

Dark blue eyes watched him, eyes that knew him too well, a truth that scared him almost as much as the thought of losing those eyes. 

"We have to talk." 

The even words, calm, but forceful, brought home one more time how much power this young man had in his life. Arms braced against the counter, he took a deep breath before he whispered, "I don't want to fight, Chief." 

"Me, either, but we seem to be doing that a lot lately. Why is that?" 

"We're both tired. A lot's happened. Let's just not do this right now, okay?" 

Swallowing hard, Blair nodded, "Okay, but you know what happened at the station's just a symptom, man. We're not through the woods yet." 

"No shit. I know that. I just don't know why." 

"Don't you?" 

The soft voice brought his head up, his eyes meeting Blair's. The fear exploded into anger again. "You've got all the fucking answers, Sandburg. Why don't you write up a paper or something. Maybe do another dissertation or some such shit. I'm taking a shower." 

Standing, the younger man walked over and put his coat back on, his face a mask of hurt. "Fine, man, do what you want. I'll be back later." 

"It's raining." 

"Who cares. Not like I haven't been soaked before." 

Stunned, Jim stood very still, air too thin to take in. Words finally found their way to the world. "This isn't about that." 

"Sure it is, Jim. You just don't want to admit that yet. Take your shower, man. I need to clear my head." 

"You're coming back though, right?" 

"Always do." A sad smile curled the full lips as he stepped beyond the door. Jim stood, head bowed, his eyes squeezed shut against the haunting, the terrible flashes of the face of his lover cold, slack, and dead. 

Damn. 

* * *

Hours later, game over, Jim sat in the dark, just waiting. Fire light flickered, spreading shadows on the wall, the gloomy reflections like grey thoughts too close to his own fuzzy visions to ease any pain. 

The key turned the lock and Blair walked inside, the cold air drifting with him from the hallway. 

"Leave the lights out, Chief." 

"Sure, man." He hung up his coat after closing the door and found his way to the chair across from the sofa. Sitting forward, his elbows on his knees, his hair draped forward, the curls damp. "So, what's going on?" 

"I'm sorry about the station." 

"I know." 

He focused on the flames, avoided the eyes at all costs while his words filled the loft with uneasy whispers. "I'm not sure what happened. You came in and told me about not getting the tickets and all of a sudden I was this maniac acting like you took hostages or something." 

"Yeah, well, you were disappointed." 

"It wasn't that." 

"I told you I'd get the tickets for the game and then I didn't. You were pissed." 

"Don't make excuses." 

"I'm not. I'm just trying to understand what happened. You over reacted. It's not the first time." 

"Jesus, Chief. Simon....." 

"Tried to get you to calm down. Yeah, I know, Jim, I was there." 

"I was out of control, just so damn angry." 

"Out of line, yeah, but not out of control. If you had been, I'd be dead again." 

"Damn it. Don't say shit like that." 

"I'm sorry, man. Really." He ran a hand back through his curls and took a calming breath before he spoke again. "Just tell me how you were feeling. What was happening inside you to make you start screaming like that?" 

"You were standing there saying you'd been helping some student at school and lost track of time and then I couldn't think straight. Everything just sort of swelled up and I couldn't breathe, couldn't handle the idea of you with anyone else, putting anyone between us." 

Blair stood and walked over, sat beside him, and placed his hand on Jim's thigh. His whole body shuddered at the connection, but the younger man stayed put, his fingers spread out and in place. "You've been like this since we got back from the temple. We haven't been together at all, man. You won't let me near you." 

"I know, Chief. I'm sorry." 

"You've said that before." 

"I don't know why you put up me. I'm such a dick sometimes." 

"I love you, man. And you're right about acting crazy lately. So, help me out. What's going on with you?" 

"It's hard to explain." 

"Come on, Jim, try harder. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. Don't shut me out here. I need to understand." 

"I think you know what's going on." 

"Yeah, well, maybe, but why don't you tell me your theory. We don't always see things the same way." 

Rubbing his face with both hands, still avoiding as much physical contact as possible, he took several long breaths before he spoke. "This thing with Alex threw me." 

"Join the club." 

"You know what I mean." 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. You felt out of control, like this woman you hated still had this power to lead you around by your dick. Must've been pretty scary, huh?" 

"You could say that." 

"More scary than dying?" 

The words jarred him. He turned, his hand grasping Blair's, the touch electric. "God, not as scary as losing you, Chief." 

"You mean that?" Rounded blue eyes met his. 

"I love you, Blair. I'd die without you." 

"I know, but you saved me, man. Fucking came over to the other side and brought me back. Absolutely fucking amazing. I can't even describe how wonderful it felt, how truly awesome it was to feel your spirit mingle with mine even for that brief moment." 

The broad hand gently caressed the side of his face while Blair lowered his voice, the words breathy. "I know your heart, Jim. Every atom of it. And I fucking own you. We own each other. I know that." 

The husky growl of the words captured him as the younger man squeezed his hand and leaned forward, his lips near his. "I love you. Don't push me away now that I'm back. That's just that damn fear response deal again." 

"So, how do I stop it?" 

The warm even breaths scented the air with the musk of arousal. Blair's whole body turned, his hands moving to claim both sides of his face, the heat searing the skin. "You have to trust me." 

"I want to." 

"But?" 

"But what if something else happens?" 

"You mean what if I die again?" Still holding him still, Blair closed his eyes and let his forehead rest against Jim's, his words tiny sparks of bright sound vibrating through his skull. "I don't know, man. But I swear death's not like either of us ever thought it was." 

Pulling back, his heart racing, Jim tried to slow his breathing, catch the reason running from the primal centers of his brain. "I don't understand. Are you saying you don't mind the idea of dying, of leaving me here alone?" 

"No. I'm saying I don't have all the answers, but that it's okay. I'm not as afraid as I used to be. I want to share that with you, if you'll let me." 

"You're not making any sense." 

Lifting his hand again, this time Blair cupped his fingers behind Jim's neck and then gently drew him closer. "Come here, man. Don't be afraid. I'm not going to bite. At least not yet." 

Reluctantly he surrendered, letting his body ease forward, the effort like floating. Wrapped in his guide's arms, a chin resting on his head, Jim listened to the deep voice above him. "We belong together. The vision we shared proved that to me." Before he could say anything, Blair shushed him. "Let me finish." 

"I know it scares you to think we've got this spiritual connection. Hell, this whole sentinel thing has been a real kick in your practical ass since you were a kid, but that's okay. What's not okay is that you keep trying to shut me out, trying to deny what we are to one another." 

"I don't mean to do that, Chief. I love you. You have to know that." 

"I do, but I also know that ever since you thought I betrayed you and since I drowned, you've been totally fucked up. I mean, you saved my life and then went off to screw Alex?" 

He shivered slightly at the memory, but shook his head. "I never had sex with her." 

"I know, but not because you didn't want to. Maybe it's some primitive sentinel imperative shit or something. I don't know. Anyway, I wasn't much help because I was too busy trying to process just what the fuck happened to me at the fountain. I couldn't decide whether to be happy or to cut your balls off and stuff them down your arrogant, horny throat. I was pissed and sad, not to mention jealous and confused as hell. Not your best guide performance for sure, man." 

"Jesus, Blair." Determined arms just held him tighter, refused to let him pull away or sit up. 

"I know. Anger and fear are really negative, but powerful emotions, Jim. And you carry more than your share. I got just a little taste, and I have to tell you, I didn't much care for it. 

"But you had a right to feel like that." 

"I know, and I wallowed in it until I had the dream." 

"Dream? What dream?" 

"Incacha." 

"Incacha?" His body stiffened, but when Blair showed no signs of loosening his grip, he stayed still. "So, what did he say?" 

"He asked me what I feared." 

"And what did you say?" 

"Failure, failure to you and to myself. But the weird thing was, he just smiled and said I had to face my fears, that I had the power within me. Something about the way he said that made me understand. I can't explain it, man, but it was like the sky opened up and I saw it all clearly." 

"What did you see clearly?" 

"I saw you, man, your face and every fucking moment we've ever spent together, good and bad. And the fact that as long as we stay together, we'll be in the light. That in this life or the next, we won't end up like Alex. God, what a headrush, Jim. Amazing." 

"I want to believe that, Chief." 

"Then believe it. Trust me, Jim. We can do this." 

And more than breathing, he wanted to believe. Closing his eyes, he whispered, "Help me, Blair." 

A safe hand stroked his hair while the voice like fine silk held him, anchored him to the light. "I love you, man. That's all it takes." 

Kissing his cheek, Blair whispered, "I've been so lonely, Jim." 

"Me, too." 

"Then let's go to bed, man. Make up for lost guides and pissy sentinels, want to?" 

"Lead the way, Chief." 

"I'm trying to, Jim. Believe me." 

And in his mind faith expanded into the great eye of awareness, the path illuminated by a single and watchful guide's glowing face. 

The END 


End file.
